This will be incoherent
Since this is my first time 'writing' on here, I don't reckon this page will be anything spectacular. I look at other people's pages
and they're interesting, but it's not like my life is just nothing, it's just a lot of little things.
On the topic of little things, I think it's always better for your days to be made up of a lot of / a couple good little things, rather
than relying on one big hit of dopamine. This would make a lot of sense if you'd seen me in any lesson with my friends.
Although, I think what I might consider small compared to other people would be different. I always have something sweeet after school
so I don't start tweeking -- for me that's just 'yum,' but for someone with BED or on a diet that's a gateway to hell, ye know?
I think I want to start integrating updating this into my routine. My only issue? I hardly have a routine!
Genuinely, how do people just come up with this shit? Does this not make you really inflexible -- what happens if something comes up and
poor Alyssia can't go to pilates at 4 o'clock sharp. That was a weird example, this is really to do with hyperindividualism and its rise
in our culture. I don't wanna write about that though cause I lowkey don't know shit about it.
I got back from a walk a bit ago so I've lost my train of thought quite a bit. I think I get paranoid putting anything on the internet.
Probably not paranoid, just reasonable -- we are all too comfortable with the idea of putting our hearts not on our sleeves, on real-life
human being, but putting our whole lives out onto a big network of networks. A giant WAN, which no one has control over.
It is the nature of the internet that everything that comes on, stays on. That's why you either gotta not associate yourself with what you
do (lol, good luck with that) or just not do anything whatsoever. I think I'm anonymous enough, at least enough for whatever I'm putting
out here, since it's not too bad.
I'm gonna go off topic now and do some thinking-'aloud' -- I was gonna say typing-aloud, but that gets rid of the thinking aspect of it all.
I'll throw in subheadings so future me can experience some sense of coherence.
Gather 'round the campfire, kinder. Let me tell thee of a story - a story of damnation, a story of betrayal and a story which peels back
the individual, revealing only their core.
I nearly tripped over in front of my form tutor (homeroom teacher, for AMERICANS) on my way to assembly. My ankles get fucked over a lot
because I have fat heels on my school shoes.
This section is really about the assembly topic that was today -- boredom.
Our head of year went on about how the Greeks didn't like boredom (they had a word for it: Acedia, meaning listlessness and apathy in general)
and then I kind of forgot the rest of the assembly, except for the fact that she showed some goofy product that locks your phone up for you and
terrible pet videos. You can really tell she's in her 50's.
But the general consensus that she made about boredom wasn't what I disagreed with, she brought up a Harvard psychologist who said boredom was
the key to unlock creativity and whatnot; it was moreso her idea of boredom.
The first slide she had on screen as we entered was some guy laying on a couch with crappy thought bubbles around his head. All I remember was
that one of them was What is the meaning of life?
Sorry if this is controversial, but is thinking not like an activity? Do people just not sit down and think for a while anymore? Even if it's
useless philosophising, is it that everyone by default picks up the phone?
I can spare some sympathy -- it was only a couple of years ago that my TikTok, just TikTok, time was at LEAST 7 hours a day. Brainrot at it's core.
But I overcame it by just deleting my account and the app. That one step made it so much more inconvenient for me to scroll, since now I had to hop on
the web version, then scroll a bit, then get prompted to make an account. It's not even like I miss out on much, I go to a pretty nice school so I
get in-person updates about what's funny.
But even now, I have snapchat because my stupid (I don't mean that) band members prefer it to Whatsapp, and I just have a 20 minute timer on there
to prevent me from scrolling on the spotlight. Which might be the craziest admission I've ever made.
But since it's not genuinely interesting and engaging, I can't be bothered to go out of my way to disable the timer or even increase its duration.
It's simply just, 'Oh, there goes my Snapchat time,' and I'm done.
If I'm recalling correctly, I think the assembly also said that boredom will help you solve the meaning of your life. Emphasis on 'your' there,
I don't think anyone in this school is smart enough to find the meaning of life. Though, I get the sentiment. If you're getting bored and your mind
wanders back to something you do (and hopefully aren't addicted to) it probably indicates that enjoy that thing, and if you enjoy it, why not pursue it,
I guess.
Above all else, I think we could all benefit from some boredom time. For a short period of time, whenever I was trying to go from a highly stimulating
task to a less stimulating one (i.e. get off the laptop and do some work) I would turn on a 5 minute timer and just sit in silence. I think it brings
your dopamine levels back to baseline or whatever, so then it doesn't feel like the Great Depression to do a maths past paper. I might try to do that again
-- I know, ANOTHER thing to add to my routine! But I do think it'd be helpful with the upcoming exams. I'll speculate on that and get back to you if I
have an epiphany.